I've thought about how I'd react if I ever observed a UFO land. If there's one thing the Bush Administration has taught us, it's that you have to be prepared for anything all the time, and to be afraid... be very afraid. And so, I am.
Should I knock on the door of the flying saucer seeking autographs, or load the pellet gun and hunker down, so to speak? Would they be agreeable to peace talks over wine and crackers, or will they be seeking hostages? Can I convince them the cat is our first born, so take him instead of me?
It's a tricky business, all this UFO stuff, and there are no books in the library, or sites online that explain just how to handle every extraterrestrial close encounter. Well, actually there is, if you're a fireman.
Deerfield Township Fire Chief William Kramer, who also teaches firefighting courses at the University of Cincinnati and hosts fire education videos, covered the topic in a 1992 textbook, Fire Officers' Guide to Disaster Control. Chief Kramer says that firefighters and emergency providers should be prepared to handle mass panic if a UFO lands, and that an actual UFO landing should be treated with caution to safeguard against toxic substances. He goes on to advise us to not alarm possible extraterrestrial visitors, as though we wouldn't be in the process of changing our underwear.
I never knew that handling UFO crash sites was part of a firefighter's job description, but somehow, I feel safer.
1 comment:
Convincing aliens that your cat is the first born: genius!
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